Moon Shadow
by manderskids
Summary: Updated! New Moon. How did Edward feel after leaving Bella? Where was he? What did he do while he was away?  This is Edward's POV. All characters and dialogue are property of Stephenie Meyer. Thanks to Katie for your help! Rated T to be safe. Please R&R!
1. Chapter 1

Moon Shadow

Chapter 1: Party

At times, I was jealous of the way humans so easily slipped away from this world and into the realm of dreams. An eternity of night—the fate to which I was condemned—grew very monotonous at times. That is, until I met _her_. If I could dream, my dreams would be filled with Bella.

"Edward."

I gazed at Bella's face in the darkness, marveling again at her beauty. Hearing my name was not a surprise, I was often in her dreams. I leaned in closer to her. Even in sleep, she captivated me. I studiously watched her every movement; her eyes fluttering under the lids, her silky hair fanned out on the pillow, her full lips slightly parted. She turned her head and let out a small sigh, her breath tantalizing and tormenting, filling my senses. I inhaled slowly, savoring the sweet perfume, aware of the desire it stirred within me.

I longed to hear her thoughts, her dreams, for she would certainly forget them by morning. Hers were the only thoughts that were denied me. Day after day, I was constantly bombarded with the mundane thoughts of those around me, human and vampire alike. It was like living my life in a crowded room, conversations from dozens of people constantly filling my mind. If I focused on one person in particular, I could pick them out of the swarm of thoughts and hear their mind. But not Bella's. Perhaps in the quiet of her slumber, with her thoughts unguarded, I would be able to discover a way to enter Bella's head. I closed my eyes and sat still for a few moments, concentrating intensely, willing her mind to open to me. Nothing. What I wouldn't give to know her thoughts! I sighed, disappointed.

When I opened my eyes, her brow was furrowed, the way it usually was when she was anxious about something. She was troubled now, but why? What was she dreaming of? I studied her movements, watching her restless slumber. After a few moments, her body relaxed, her face in calm repose.

I brushed my wintry lips against her warm cheek, enjoying the heat that lingered on them as I slowly got up. I knew that Alice would be anxious to show me her preparations for the party this afternoon. With one last look at her sleeping form, I turned and slipped out of the open window and into the night.

Alice was setting a huge bouquet of pink roses in a large crystal bowl on the table in the elegant white living room when I walked in the door. She turned to me and grinned, her pixie-like face almost childlike in her enthusiasm. _I know Bella doesn't want a big show for her birthday, but I just couldn't resist!_

"She'll get over it." I said, responding to her thoughts. The room looked beautiful. There were pink candles strategically placed throughout and large crystal bowls filled with hundreds of pink roses. The black of the pre-dawn reflected the room in the great glass window panes that stretched across the far wall. Alice finished fussing with the bouquet in front of her and stepped back to admire the effect the roses had against the white tablecloth.

Rosalie glided into the room and stood next to Alice, a smug look on her face. _Oh, look who has decided to grace us with his presence. _"Tired of watching your human sleep?" She asked mockingly, tilting her head to the side with her hands underneath. She snickered, glancing around the elegant room, taking in all of Alice's hard work.

"I don't know why you even bother," She said, turning on Alice. "You know she doesn't want any of _this_." Rosalie gestured angrily at the bowl on the table next to her, which was brimming with pale pink roses.

"Oh Rosy, lighten up! It's a birthday! When's the last time any of us had a real birthday?" Alice beamed, fussing with the tablecloth. Rose shot her a fierce look and then turned back to me.

"Do you honestly think it's a good idea to bring her here? I mean, it's not exactly in _her_ best interest to be near any of us." _Especially Jasper._ She glanced quickly at Alice, who stood rigidly at the table. Rosalie turned and haughtily left the room. I glared after her, a low snarl rumbling deep in my throat.

Alice reached out and placed her small hand on my arm. "Don't worry about her." She said, inclining her head to the door which Rosalie had just gone through.

I wasn't really mad at Rose, even though she _could_ do with some lessons in tact and discretion. But she had triggered something deep within that had been haunting me for the past six months. Ever since the incident with James, the vampire who had been obsessed with tracking and killing Bella, I had been struggling with myself. Was it fair to Bella that I be so involved with her, when my very presence put her life in mortal danger?

Alice was scrutinizing me, a worried expression on her face. "Edward," She soothed, "Bella will be fine tonight." I looked down at her, attempting to mask the emotion on my face.

"How _is_ Jasper?" I asked her, my voice cautious. Jasper was Alice's mate and the most recent member of our "family." He had the most difficult time adhering to our strict "vegetarian" diet, having spent most of his existence feeding off human blood.

"It's been harder for him since…Bella's accident," she amended, looking away from my face. "It's just that he hasn't been so close to so much human blood for such a long time…" Her voice trailed off. _He is ashamed of the way he feels and he wants to be better. It's a struggle for him to be too close to her right now. He wants to be strong, that's why he went hunting with Emmett tonight._ Alice looked up again, her eyes pleading for my understanding.

"I know, Alice." I was relieved to hear that Jasper was hunting. Being around him when he was thirsty would be suicide for Bella. I grimaced at my choice of words.

Alice saw my expression and her forehead creased with worry.

"So, where are they hunting?" I asked lightly, in an effort to decrease the tension which had filled the room.

"Emmett took Jasper up the coast to look for bears." Alice said smiling. Of course, bears were Emmett's favorite. "They'll be back in time for the party this afternoon."

The sky outside the great glass pane was lighter now, a light gray really, as the sun rarely showed its face on Washington's Olympic Peninsula. "You had better finish her present." Alice said, looking at the morning sky. "I'll wrap it when you're done. It's perfect, you know. She's going to love it!" Alice said, smiling again.

"I hope so." I said, a bit unsure. Alice turned to me and raised an eyebrow. Of course Alice would know Bella's reaction to my present, she had already seen it. Like me, Alice had enhanced "abilities." She was able to see glimpses of the future. She was nearly infallible.

I was nervous on the way to school. Bella didn't want any attention on her birthday. No presents, no party, nothing. She knew Alice was going to give her a party. Would she act excited about it? And what about the presents my family had already gotten for her? Would Bella really like my present? How would she react? I wish I knew her thoughts, she was so unpredictable. I drove even faster than usual, the speed of my Volvo accentuated by my anxious mood.

"Alice," I said casually, "Why don't we have Bella open our gift before school?" I shot a sideways glance at Alice.

"That's a great idea!" She beamed. She fished around in her school bag and pulled out the small, flat silver-wrapped parcel.

"I just hope she won't be too difficult today." I uttered as I parked the car. We had gotten to the school before Bella, as usual.

I leaned against my car anxiously, folding my arms across my chest. It never felt right to be away from Bella and I counted the seconds until we would be together again. Alice just grinned, her eyes sparkling in excitement. In the distance, I could hear the roar of Bella's ancient truck. A smile stole across my face. I could not understand what she saw in that old hunk of metal. A few minutes later, she pulled into the parking lot, a sour expression on her face.

The lot was nearly full and the closest empty stall was several cars away. I knew the moment she saw me, because her expression softened and she smiled. I watched with relief as she parked the Chevy and cut the engine, reveling in the way my body responded to the sight of her. I felt whole, complete.

_Uh-oh._

I was startled when I heard Alice's thoughts, but one glance at Bella easily explained it. She was scowling again as she got out of the truck's cab. She slammed the door hard and walked toward us. Alice skipped forward to meet her, still holding the small parcel.

"Happy birthday, Bella!" she enthused.

"Shh!" Bella hissed, glancing around the parking lot, as they closed the distance between us. I could feel my frustration beginning to kindle. Why did she have to be so obstinate?

"Do you want to open your present now or later?" Alice asked, ignoring Bella's obvious show of distress.

"No presents." She mumbled stubbornly, her jaw set.

_She doesn't seem to be in a very good mood this morning, Edward. Try to make her happy, this _is_ her special day._ I could hear Alice's thoughts clearly and wondered why she was so agitated. Was this just about her birthday? Or was it something else? I didn't like to see Bella troubled.

Alice tucked the gift inside her jacket. "Okay…later then. Did you like the scrapbook your mom sent you? And the camera from Charlie?" She asked.

"Yeah. They're great." Bella sighed.

"_I_ think it's a nice idea." Alice chatted happily, "You're only a senior once. Might as well document the experience."

"How many times have _you_ been a senior." Bella challenged, a wry look on her face.

"That's different." _Way too many times. _Alice winked at me.

I reached out for Bella's hand and she took it, her face relaxing again. Her skin was soft and warm and I could feel the heat permeating my icy palm. I squeezed her hand gently and thrilled when I heard her heart flutter at the gentle pressure.

Impulsively, I lifted my other hand and lightly traced the outside of her lips, relishing her warmth. "So, as discussed, I am not allowed to wish you a happy birthday, is that correct?"

"Yes. That is correct." She mumbled.

"Just checking." I teased. "You _might_ have changed your mind. Most people seem to enjoy things like birthdays and gifts." She could be so maddening!

Alice laughed merrily and said, "Of course you'll enjoy it. Everyone is supposed to be nice to you today and give you your way, Bella. What's the worst that could happen?"

"Getting older." Bella said, her voice wavering. I felt the familiar ache starting to ebb around my silent heart. I wanted nothing more than to make her happy—but this? I just couldn't bring myself to force her to spend eternity the way I would be spending it, at least not without some more serious thought. To me, the choice between aging as a human with soul intact, or being forever damned as an ageless teenager seemed appallingly simple. I thought it would be an easy choice for anyone. Obviously, Bella was more troubled about her passing human years than I anticipated. I felt the all too familiar frustration with being unable to read her thoughts. I'd love to understand what she was thinking, to know what it was about getting older that made her so upset.

Alice glanced up at me, her eyes anxious. "Eighteen isn't very old," she said, "Don't women usually wait till they're twenty-nine to get upset over birthdays?"

"It's older than Edward," Bella murmured, frowning. I glanced down at her and sighed. I was beginning to understand why she was so upset today.

"Technically, just by one little year though." Alice said, keeping her tone light. "What time will you be at the house?" She asked, changing the subject. _I can't wait for Bella to see what I have planned for her birthday party!_

"I didn't know I had plans to be there."

"Oh, be fair, Bella!" Alice complained. "You aren't going to ruin all our fun like that, are you?"

"I thought my birthday was about what _I_ want." Bella retorted.

Alice shot a look in my direction. _Edward, can you help?_

"I'll get her from Charlie's right after school." I promised, ignoring Bella's complaints.

"I have to work." Bella cut in doggedly.

"You don't, actually," Alice smiled, a smug look on her face. "I already spoke to Mrs. Newton about it. She's trading your shifts. She said to tell you 'Happy Birthday.'"

"I—I still can't come over," she stammered. A lovely flush spread over her cheeks and I could tell she was grasping for an excuse to get out of the party. "I, well, I haven't watched _Romeo and Juliet_ yet for English." She wasn't a very convincing liar.

_Is that the best you can do?_ I thought, amused at how nervous she was. I could feel the warmth pulsing off her body, her hand growing warmer in mine.

Alice gave Bella a derisive look. "You have _Romeo and Juliet_ memorized."

"But Mr. Berty said we needed to see it preformed to fully appreciate it—that's how Shakespeare intended it to be presented." Bella insisted lamely. I rolled my eyes.

"You've already seen the movie," Alice accused.

"But not the nineteen-sixties version. Mr. Berty said it was the best." She insisted; ducking her head as her cheeks flamed again. How I longed to touch her face, to feel her warm blood throbbing beneath her skin. But alas, now was not the time. I could see that the situation was going to turn unpleasant if I didn't do something—and soon.

Alice was glaring at Bella now, all traces of her previous enthusiasm gone. "This can be easy, or this can be hard, Bella, but one way or the other—"

"Relax, Alice. If Bella wants to watch a movie, then she can. It's her birthday." I cut in, before Alice could finish her threat.

"So there," Bella said, her eyes flashing at Alice in triumph.

"I'll bring her over around seven," I promised. Ignoring Bella's frustrated sigh, I continued, "That will give you more time to set up."

Alice laughed gleefully. "Sounds good. See you tonight, Bella! It'll be fun, you'll see." She grinned widely, pecked Bella on the cheek, and skipped off to class before Bella could protest.

Bella turned on me. "Edward, please—" She started, but I gently pressed a cold finger to her lips. "Let's discuss it later," I soothed. "We're going to be late to class."

As the school day progressed, I marveled at how my life had changed in the last year. It was simple, really. _She_ was here, and my life was complete. I had purpose now, where before I merely existed. I felt more _alive_, so to speak, than I had in years. I felt complete. I wondered how I ever managed to exist for so long without knowing that such a vital part of me was missing. And now that I knew what it was like to be _whole_, I didn't know how I would ever survive without her by my side.

True to my word, I did not mention Bella's birthday to her, though I wanted to. Why was she so set against getting older? Why did that bother her so much? Sure, I was seventeen years old _physically_, but I was born almost one hundred and ten years ago! My being around for that long didn't seem to affect her nearly so much as this birthday did. Eighteen was so young. She was still a child, really.

At lunch, we sat at our usual place with Bella's other friends. It was irritating to listen to the juvenile thoughts of the others at the table. Mike and Jessica, whose relationship had developed the previous spring and not survived the summer; Angela and Ben, who were currently besotted with each other; Eric, Conner, and Tyler, who couldn't string together an intelligent thought between them; and Lauren, whose thoughts about Bella were never very nice. But it was important for Bella to have these friends, these human experiences, so I tolerated the crowd, doing my best to shut them out of my mind.

The afternoon passed quickly. Alice offered to drive my car home so that I could escort Bella and keep her from making a run for it. I walked Bella to her ancient truck and deliberately held open the passenger door for her. She folded her arms and scowled at me. "It's my birthday, don't I get to drive?" She hissed.

"I'm pretending it's not your birthday, just as you wished." I grinned.

"If it's not my birthday, then I don't have to go to your house tonight…" she quipped. She was amazingly quick-witted for an 18 year old. And I couldn't help but notice how attractive her eyes were when they flashed with emotion.

"All right." I conceded, shutting the passenger door and walking past her to open the driver's side with a flourish. "Happy birthday." I said, winking at her.

"Shh," she shushed me halfheartedly as she climbed into the truck and took her place behind the steering wheel.

Trying my best to prepare her in some small way for what she would be receiving tonight, I fiddled with the radio in the truck as she drove. I knew she loved the truck because it was hers, but the radio did not work well. I wondered as I twisted the prehistoric knobs, trying to get a clear signal, why she did not think she deserved anything newer or nicer.

"Your radio has horrible reception." I said, shaking my head in disbelief. How could anyone function with such archaic machinery? I was glad that Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper had thought to get her a new stereo system for her birthday. At least then I could listen to something decent while I was forced to travel in this thing. I looked over and saw that the corners of Bella's mouth had turned down in a frown. She didn't like it when I made comments like that about her truck.

"You want a nice stereo? Drive your own car." She spat out. I pressed my lips together, trying not to smile.

When we pulled up in front of Charlie's house, I reached over to very gently cradle her face in my hands. She was so fragile, and so warm. "You should be in a good mood, today of all days," I whispered softly, knowing the effect my breath had on her senses. I could hear her pulse start to quicken, her breathing becoming uneven. I knew I wasn't playing fair, but was satisfied with her reaction.

"And if I don't want to be in a good mood?" She asked, shakily.

I gazed into the depths of her chocolate eyes, fully aware of the power I had to influence her. "Too bad." I breathed, leaning in closer and carefully pressing my cool lips to hers. The effect was instantaneous. The thirst. The desire. The passion for her blood and her body pulling powerfully at my self-control. One slip, one small bite… but no. Never. I would never take from Bella what made her so completely divine.

Her lips were like fire on mine, and I savored the heat. I felt her wrap her arms around my neck, her warm body molding to mine. I smiled and let go of her face, carefully untangling myself from her arms, loving the way she responded to my kisses.

"Be good, please." I breathed against her cheek, the sound of her racing heart singing to my senses. I tenderly placed my lips against hers once more and then pulled away, carefully folding her arms across her stomach.

I watched her put one hand over her heart. "Do you think I'll ever get better at this?" She asked quietly. "That my heart might someday stop trying to jump out of my chest whenever you touch me?"

"I really hope not." I said, pleased. Bella rolled her eyes.

"Let's go watch the Capulets and Montagues hack each other up, all right?" She said, reaching for the door handle. I flew around the truck and opened her door before she had a chance to blink.

"Your wish is my command." I said gallantly.

Inside the house, I lounged on the tattered old sofa and watched Bella as she queued the movie, fast-forwarding though the opening credits. I never grew tired of watching her.

When the movie was ready, I welcomed her onto the couch in front of me with open arms, eager to feel the heat and the closeness of her body. I grabbed the worn afghan from off the back of the couch and tucked it in around her so she wouldn't freeze beside me. I thrilled at her closeness, wondering at the miracle of this dark-haired maiden in my arms.

"You know, I've never had much patience with Romeo," I said, thinking aloud.

"What's wrong with Romeo?" She asked, surprised.

"Well, first of all, he's in love with this Rosaline—don't you think it makes him seem a little fickle? And then, a few minutes after their wedding, he kills Juliet's cousin. That's not very brilliant. Mistake after mistake. Could he have destroyed his own happiness any more thoroughly?" I asked, stating the obvious.

Bella sighed, and her scent caused the monster within me to raise its head. "Do you want me to watch this alone?" She asked, clearly offended by my opinion of Romeo.

"No, I'll mostly be watching you, anyway." I murmured, tracing little patterns across the skin on her arm, fascinated as little goose bumps arose at my touch. "Will you cry?" I asked. Her tears intrigued me—vampires could not produce tears. Although when I thought about it, it was more than just her tears. With Bella, all of her emotions intrigued me.

"Probably, if I'm paying attention." Her face flushed slightly, adding to her lovely features.

"I won't distract you then." I teased, gently kissing her hair.

As the movie progressed, I started whispering Romeo's lines into Bella's ear, enjoying the way her heart skipped at the sound of my voice. When Juliet awoke to find her Romeo dead, Bella cried, both to my amusement and amazement.

"I'll admit, I do sort of envy him here," I commented, as I brushed away the tears with a lock of her silky hair.

"She's very pretty." Bella supplied.

I grunted. If I understood her response, she thought I was envious of Romeo's lover. Could she really mean that? How I wished I could read her thoughts. "I don't envy him the _girl_—just the ease of the suicide." I clarified. "You humans have to so easy! All you have to do is throw down one tiny vial of plant extracts…" I teased.

"What?" She gasped.

"It's something I had to think about once, and I knew from Carlisle's experience that it wouldn't be simple. I'm not even sure how many ways Carlisle tried to kill himself in the beginning…after he had realized what he'd become…" It was Carlisle who had discovered that vampires could live off animal blood as opposed to human blood, when he was driven to drink from a herd of antelope after he had starved himself and retreated deep into the woodlands of seventeenth century England.

"And he's still in excellent health." I added lightly.

Bella twisted around in my arms to look at me. "What are you talking about?" She demanded, shock written across her face. "What do you mean, this is something you had to think about once?"

"Last spring, when you were…nearly killed…" I paused, the image of Bella lying in a pool of her own blood, small and broken, flashed into my mind. I took a deep, ragged breath, trying to keep my tone light. "Of course I was trying to focus on finding you alive, but part of my mind was making contingency plans. Like I said, it's not as easy for me as it is for a human."

She shook her head. "Contingency plans?" She repeated.

"Well, I wasn't going to live without you." I said, rolling my eyes at her. How could she not know what she meant to me? "But I wasn't sure how to _do_ it—I knew Emmett and Jasper would never help…so I was thinking maybe I would go to Italy and do something to provoke the Volturi." I explained, reflecting back to the possibilities I had considered.

"What is a _Volturi_?" She demanded, her face contorted with fury.

Her reaction pulled me from my thoughts. "The Volturi are a family," I began. "A very old, very powerful family of our kind. They are the closest thing our world has to a royal family, I suppose. Carlisle lived with them briefly in his early years, in Italy, before he settled in America—do you remember the story?" I asked, referring to the time she came to my house and formally met the rest of my family.

"Of course I remember." She said bluntly, still clearly upset.

"Anyway, you don't irritate the Volturi," I went on calmly. "Not unless you want to die—or whatever it is we do."

A look of horror shadowed her features as she took my face in her hands. "You must never, never, never think of anything like that again!" She said. "No matter what might ever happen to me, you are _not allowed_ to hurt yourself!"

"I'll never put you in danger again, so it's a moot point." I stated.

"_Put_ me in danger! I thought we'd established that all the bad luck is my fault?" Her hands were trembling on my face.

"What would you do, if the situation were reversed?" I asked, trying to calm her.

"That's not the same thing." She said flatly, her eyes narrowing. I chuckled.

"What if something did happen to you?" She flinched as she spoke. "Would you want me to go _off_ myself?"

Her words ripped through me. I could not stand the thought of her being in pain, let alone _killing herself_. "I guess I see your point…a little." I conceded. "But what would I do without you?"

"Whatever you were doing before I came along and complicated your existence." She said in stubborn innocence.

"You make it sound so easy." I sighed. My existence? I never really _existed_ until I met Bella.

"It should be. I'm not really that interesting."

_What an understatement. _I was about to argue exactly how interesting she was, but decided against it. "Moot point," I reminded her.

The sound of her dad's police cruiser grumbled in the distance. He would be here in a few minutes. I quickly sat up into a less intimate posture, shifting Bella to the side so we were no longer touching.

"Charlie?" She guessed. I smiled. After a moment, Charlie pulled into the driveway.

_Oh, he's already here. He's _always_ here. Those two had better be good when they're home alone. I wonder if Renée has already had "the talk" with her…I sure hope I don't have to do it._ I could hear Charlie's thoughts clearly as he walked in the door.

Bella reached out and took my hand firmly in hers. I winked at her. Then Charlie came into the house with a pizza box in his hands.

"Hey, kids." He grinned at us. "I thought you'd like a break from cooking and washing dishes for your birthday. Hungry?"

"Sure. Thanks, Dad." Bella said, getting off the couch and pulling me into the small kitchen.

I waited for them to finish eating before I asked Charlie, "Do you mind if I borrow Bella for the evening?"

Bella looked at Charlie, probably hoping for a negative answer, but his thoughts were already focused on a baseball game he wanted to watch.

"That's fine—the Mariners are playing the Sox tonight," Charlie said. "So I won't be any kind of company…Here." He scooped up the camera he'd gotten Bella for her birthday, and tossed it to her. The camera glanced off the tip of her finger and tumbled to the floor. I snagged it before it could crash to the linoleum.

_That kid has quick reflexes!_ "Nice save," Charlie noted. "If they're doing something fun at the Cullens' tonight, Bella, you should take some pictures. You know how your mother gets—she'll be wanting to see the pictures faster than you can take them."

"Good idea, Charlie," I said, handing the camera to Bella. She immediately turned the camera on me and snapped a picture.

"It works." She said.

"That's good. Hey, say hi to Alice for me. She hasn't been over in a while." _If I had another daughter, I'd want Alice. She sure did take good care of my Bells after her accident last spring. She is such a good friend. I wonder why she hasn't been over here lately? I can't remember the last time she was here… _Charlie's mouth pulled down at one corner.

"It's been three days, Dad." Bella reminded him. "I'll tell her."

"Okay. You kids have fun tonight." _I hope it's a good game… _We were dismissed, as Charlie's thoughts were clearly someplace else. He was already edging toward the living room and the TV. I smiled triumphantly at Bella, took her hand, and led her out of the kitchen.

When we got to the truck, I opened the passenger door for her again, and this time she didn't argue. I smiled to myself as I walked around the cab to the driver's side.

I drove north through Forks, chafing at the speed limit enforced by Bella's prehistoric Chevy. The engine groaned even louder than usual as I pushed it over fifty.

"Take it easy," she said with a warning in her voice.

"You know what you would love?" I asked. "A nice little Audi coupe. Very quiet, lots of power…"

"There's nothing wrong with my truck. And speaking of expensive nonessentials, if you know what's good for you, you didn't spend any money on birthday presents."

"Not a dime," I said virtuously. There were so many things I would have loved to get her, but I wasn't allowed to spend _anything_ on her. Didn't she know she was worth it?

"Good." She said smugly, tucking her arms across her chest.

"Can you do me a favor?" I asked, eyeing her.

"That depends on what it is."

I sighed. "Bella, the last real birthday any of us had was Emmett in 1935. Cut us a little slack, and don't be too difficult tonight. They're all very excited." I watched her carefully, waiting for her reaction.

"Fine, I'll behave." She mumbled, a bit startled.

"I probably should warn you…" I continued.

"Please do."

"When I say they're all excited…I do mean _all_ of them." I waited.

"Everyone?" She choked. "I thought Emmett and Rosalie were in Africa." The color drained slowly from her lovely face. The rest of Forks was under the impression that the older Cullens had gone off to college this year, to Dartmouth, but Bella knew better.

"Emmett wanted to be here." I said simply, reaching over to secure her hand in mine.

"But…Rosalie?" She whispered.

"I know, Bella. Don't worry, she'll be on her best behavior." _She had better be. _I reflected back to the confrontation this morning.

She didn't answer. Rosalie didn't like Bella much. Actually, the feeling was a little bit stronger than just dislike. As far as Rose was concerned, Bella was an unwelcome intruder to her family's secret life.

I decided to change the subject. "So, if you won't let me get you the Audi, isn't there anything that you'd like for your birthday?"

The words came out in a whisper. "You know what I want."

The familiar pain ripped through my body at her words. It felt like we'd had this argument a lot today. I should have stuck to the subject of Rosalie.

"Not tonight, Bella. Please." I pleaded.

"Well, maybe Alice will give me what I want." She said defiantly.

A menacing growl escaped my throat. "This isn't going to be your last birthday, Bella." He vowed.

"That's not fair!"

I clenched my teeth together to keep my frustrations in check.

We were pulling up to the house now. Bright light shined from every window on the first two floors. Alice had more than outdone herself. A long line of glowing Japanese lanterns hung from the porch eaves, reflecting a soft radiance on the huge cedars that surrounded the house. Big bowls of flowers—pink roses—lined the wide stairs up to the front doors.

Bella moaned. I glanced at her anxiously, noting the grimace marring her lovely face. I knew Alice was going overboard with the party and all of the trimmings, but she absolutely _adored_ Bella. This was her way of making Bella's birthday a special occasion.

"This is a party," I reminded her kindly. "Try to be a good sport."

"Sure," she muttered.

I came around to get her door and offered her my hand.

"I have a question."

I waited warily.

"If I develop this film," She said, toying with the camera in her hands, "will you show up in the picture?"

The ridiculous question startled me so much that I started laughing. Bella scowled. I helped her out of the car and pulled her up the stairs. I was still chuckling as I opened the door for her.

They were all waiting in the huge white living room, greeting us with a loud chorus of "Happy birthday, Bella!" when we walked in. Bella blushed and looked down. Along with the candles and bowls overflowing with roses, there was a table with a white cloth draped over it next to the grand piano, holding a pink birthday cake, more roses, a stack of glass plates, and a small pile of silver-wrapped presents.

The heat coming off Bella's face was almost tangible. I wrapped my arm around her waist and kissed the silky hair atop her head, in an effort to ease her distress.

Carlisle and Esme were the closest to the door. _Poor thing. _Esme's thoughts were naturally drawn to Bella's obvious discomfort. She hugged Bella carefully, as she kissed her forehead.

Carlisle put his fatherly arm around Bella's shoulders. "Sorry about this, Bella," he stage-whispered. "We couldn't rein Alice in." He stole a glance at me. _I couldn't bring myself to try to stop her—look at Alice, she's like a kid at Christmas!_

It was true. Alice was standing next to Jasper, practically jumping with excitement.

Rosalie and Emmett stood behind Carlisle and Esme. Rosalie, as stunning as ever, didn't smile. _I can't believe I agreed to come to this. Look at her, Edward—she obviously doesn't appreciate any of it. Why do you even _like_ her? What kind of human doesn't enjoy her own birthday?_

Emmett's face was stretched into a huge grin. "You haven't changed at all," Emmett commented to Bella with mock disappointment. "I expected a perceptible difference, but here you are, red-faced just like always."

"Thanks a lot, Emmett," Bella said, blushing deeper.

He laughed, amused by her discomfort. "I have to step out for a second"—he paused to wink conspicuously at Alice—"Don't do anything funny while I'm gone." Despite his bear-like build, he sped out the front door before Bella could even reply.

"I'll try." Bella mumbled, still looking at the floor.

Alice let go of Jasper's hand and skipped forward, all smiles. Jasper smiled at Bella, but kept his distance. His eyes were a deep caramel color, his stance relaxed. He leaned, long and blond, against the post at the foot of the stairs. I raised an eyebrow at him. _I know, Edward. I'll be careful. See? I'm not even going to go near her tonight. _His thoughts answered.

"Time to open presents," Alice declared. She took Bella by the elbow and gently towed her over by the piano, to the table with the cake and the shiny packages.

Bella grimaced. "Alice, I know I told you I didn't want anything—"

"But I didn't listen," she interrupted. "Open it." She took the camera from Bella's hand and replaced it with a big, square silver box. Alice glanced up at me from beneath her lashes. _We'll soften her up a bit before she opens our gift._

Bella's face showed surprise as she hefted the silver parcel that contained the gift from Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper. She slowly tore the paper off and then stared at the box it concealed. She eyed the box curiously and then opened it. It was empty.

"Um…thanks."

Rosalie actually cracked a smile. _I guess it was worth coming, just to see the look on her face when she opened our present._ She thought, glancing at me.

Jasper laughed. "It's a stereo for your truck," he explained. "Emmett's installing it right now so that you can't return it."

"Thanks, Jasper, Rosalie," She told them, grinning. "Thanks Emmett!" Emmett's booming laugh carried clearly into the house. At the sound of it, Bella laughed too.

I relaxed a little. It was going to be alright. Rosalie was being…civil, and Bella seemed to be actually enjoying herself. I gave her an encouraging smile, pleased at how things were turning out.

"Open mine and Edward's next," Alice said, so excited her voice was a high-pitched trill.

Bella's smile disappeared and she turned to give me a basilisk glare. "You promised." She hissed.

Before I could answer, Emmett bounded through the door. "Just in time!" he crowed. _The stereo's all set up and ready to go! _He pushed in behind Jasper, who had drifted forward to get a good look.

I stepped closer to Bella, tenderly brushing a strand of her hair from her face. "I didn't spend a dime," I assured her.

She inhaled deeply and turned to Alice. "Give it to me," she sighed.

Emmett chuckled with delight. He was almost as bad as Alice.

She took the little package from Alice and rolled her eyes at me while sticking her finger under the edge of the paper. With one angry motion, she jerked it under the tape.

The shock of the intense thirst at the scent of her blood dazed me for a split second. I heard Bella mumble something next to me as I struggled to clear my head.

_Kill._

_No, Jasper!!!_

_Drink._

All thoughts in the room were now consumed with the scent of Bella's blood, except for Carlisle and Alice, who were intensely concerned for Jasper.

The hair on my neck bristled. My head snapped up, my eyes locking onto Jasper's contorted face.

"No!" I roared, throwing myself at of Bella, shielding her fragile form with my body. The force knocked her back across the table. It fell, as she did, scattering the cake and the presents, the flowers and the plates.

Jasper had sprung, slamming into me, and the sound was like the crash of boulders in a rock slide. Jasper's eyes were wild, the ebony irises enlarged.

_Kill the prey. Drink._

Jasper was snarling like an enraged animal, clawing at me with his powerful fingers, trying to get through me to Bella. I deftly held his wrists in my hands, as he tried to shove past me, snapping his teeth just inches from my face.

The scent of Bella's blood was pulsing through the room, overpowering the senses. It permeated every molecule of my body, torturing me. My tongue was on fire, my lips felt parched. My entire body—my every vein—felt desiccated, burning with the desire to be thoroughly satisfied. I willed my mind to control the ravenous monster within me, struggling to fight the intense desire to drink, to _kill_ the one who had made me feel whole, my Bella.


	2. Chapter 2

Moon Shadow

CHAPTER 2: STITCHES

Emmett grabbed Jasper from behind in the next second, locking him into his solid steel grip, while Jasper struggled on. I released his hands, which were now pinned against his sides, but remained close, alert to his every thought and movement.

Jasper's wild, hungry eyes focused only on Bella, cowering helplessly amidst the shards of broken crystal, her life blood flowing out of the gash on her arm, threatening to consume my senses, and staining the floor.

_Kill._

Jasper's thoughts were screaming his dark intent, his fury evident as he thrashed savagely in Emmett's massive arms.

_He's totally out of control._ Emmett struggled to catch my eye, not wanting to speak aloud. _We need to get him out of here._

Rosalie stood stone-faced behind Esme, who was watching the scene in horror, her hand covering her mouth and nose. Alice was rooted to the spot next to the overturned table, her face bone white.

Carlisle was the only one who remained calm. Centuries of experience in the emergency room were evident in his quiet, authoritative voice.

"Emmett, Rose, get Jasper outside."

Emmett nodded gravely. "Come on, Jasper."

Jasper struggled against Emmett's unbreakable grasp, twisting around, reaching toward his brother with his bared teeth, his eyes still past reason.

I wheeled around to crouch over Bella, taking a defensive position, watching Jasper carefully. A low warning growl slid from between my clenched teeth. I didn't dare to separate them, or even take a breath, fearing that if I allowed her scent to fill my nostrils, my own resolve would weaken. I clenched my jaw tighter, hardening the muscles in my face.

_Well,_ that_ was unexpected, wasn't it? _Rosalie shot a smug look at me and stepped in front of Jasper—keeping a careful distance from his teeth. She helped Emmett wrestle him through the glass door which Esme was holding open, still pressing one hand to her face.

_Edward, I need to leave… _Esme's heart-shaped face was ashamed. "I'm so sorry, Bella," she cried as she followed the others into the yard.

"Let me by, Edward," Carlisle murmured. _We need to help her before she injures herself further on the broken glass, and we can't clean up the blood until she is taken care of._

I nodded slowly and relaxed my protective stance, allowing Carlisle to approach Bella. He knelt beside her, leaning close to examine her arm.

I looked down at Bella, registering the shock on her face. Her eyes were wide with fright, her broken body trembling. I knew I would never forget how she looked. Yet, this image was not the only one that would haunt me. The other flashed instantly into my mind.

Just six months ago, James had tricked Bella into meeting him in a dance studio, where he intended to video tape himself brutally murdering her. His plan was to incite me to go after him, so he could defeat a more worthy opponent. My family and I had arrived just in time—but not before James had violently beat her—to find her lying unconscious, crumpled and broken, covered in blood.

This circumstance, though different, was no less deadly. Tonight, _I _was the one who had led her into a death trap—and it was _my own family_. My chest constricted, the pain threatening to suffocate me, when I recognized what I had done.

"Here, Carlisle," Alice said, coming from the kitchen with a towel in her hand.

Carlisle shook his head. "Too much glass in the wound." He reached over and ripped a long, thin scrap from the bottom of the white tablecloth, twisting it around Bella's arm above the elbow to form a tourniquet.

"Bella," Carlisle asked softly, "Do you want me to drive you to the hospital, or would you like me to take care of it here?"

"Here, please," she whispered shakily.

"I'll get your bag," Alice said, swiftly leaving the room.

"Let's take her to the kitchen table," Carlisle instructed. _I do not advise letting her walk on her own, she is in shock. One of us will have to carry her. _He was watching me with some concern. _Can you do it or should I?_

Still not taking a breath, I lifted her easily and carried her to the table while Carlisle kept the pressure steady on her arm.

"How are you doing, Bella?" Carlisle asked her.

"I'm fine." She murmured, trying to keep her voice steady.

Alice was already at the table with Carlisle's black bag, and a small but brilliant desk light plugged into the wall. I gingerly placed Bella onto a chair while Carlisle pulled up another. He went to work at once.

I stood protectively over Bella, watching Carlisle go to work—envious of his apparent immunity to the scent of human blood. He methodically arranged his tools on a clean towel and then started mopping the blood away from the edges of the wound, carefully watching for slivers of crystal. How could he bear to _touch_ her blood? I was teetering perilously close to the edge of insanity just from the _smell_. I ached to hold her, to comfort her, but the fear of losing control kept me from getting too close.

"Just go, Edward," Bella sighed, her eyes focused on Carlisle's face.

I was struggling to keep my composure. Could she have recognized that my own thirst for her blood was tearing at me the way Jasper had been clawing at Emmett? Sometimes it seemed she could read my thoughts, while I was unjustly denied hers. She had always been ardently observant—perhaps she had noticed I was not breathing.

"I can handle it," I said stiffly.

"You don't need to be a hero," She insisted, keeping her eyes locked on Carlisle. "Carlisle can fix me up without your help. Get some fresh air."

When Carlisle had finished cleaning Bella's arm, he then prepared a needle of anesthetic, which he injected directly into the wound, enabling him to harvest all of the glass without causing her further pain.

Bella winced as Carlisle inserted the needle.

"I'll stay," I stated firmly.

"Why are you so masochistic?" She mumbled.

Carlisle decided to intercede. "Edward, you may as well go find Jasper before he gets too far. I'm sure he's upset with himself, and I doubt he'll listen to anyone but you right now."

"Yes," Bella eagerly agreed. "Go find Jasper."

"You might as well do something useful," Alice added gently. _You go on ahead, and I'll come out in a minute._

My eyes narrowed. I didn't want to leave Bella like this. There had to be something I could do for her.

Carlisle stole a glance at me. _I know how hard this is for you. Let me take care of Bella while you take care of Jasper. _

Reluctantly, I nodded once and sprinted smoothly through the kitchen's back door.

I felt angry at myself. I knew Bella hadn't wanted this party, but I had hoped that it would be a memorable one for her. I cringed at my choice of words. _Memorable._ Of course she would never forget _this_. How could this have happened? A _paper cut_ of all things! A common, harmless, innocent, _human_ mistake. Frustration, pain, and guilt boiled inside me as I crossed the yard.

About twenty yards from the house, Emmett was braced against a giant cedar, still holding Jasper, and talking easily to Rosalie, who was sitting next to Esme on a fallen tree. Jasper was breathing heavily, but no longer struggling inside his brother's granite embrace.

Esme looked up when she saw me. "Is Bella all right?" She asked anxiously, noting the scowl on my face.

"She's fine. Carlisle's cleaning out her arm in the kitchen." I told her evenly, glancing at Jasper.

Emmett saw the look and said, "Just give him a few more minutes and he'll be calmed down."

"I'm going to go inside and clean up." Esme said, getting up from the log. _Don't be too hard on Jasper. We've all been where he is. _She looked earnestly into my eyes for a moment, misinterpreting my dark mood. Then she patted my arm affectionately and glided swiftly to the house.

"I can see why you like her so much, Edward." Rosalie smirked, once Esme was out of earshot. "Things are definitely more exciting with Bella around, don't you think?"

I shot her a withering look.

"Well, _I_ thought the evening was a success." Emmett said with a wide smile. "Definitely a birthday she'll never forget."

I stiffened. His words had hit too close to home.

I tried to ignore Emmett and instead studied Jasper's quiet form with a critical eye.

Soon, his breathing calmed and he was thinking clearly. _I'm so sorry, Edward._

Emmett looked at me expectantly. I nodded, and he let Jasper slump to the ground.

"C'mon Rose, let's leave these two to duke it out." He smiled, taking Rosalie's hand and lifting her from her seat. "Don't be _too_ hard on him." He said, inclining his head in Jasper's direction.

_Don't you dare destroy our family because of your fascination with that stupid girl._ Rosalie shot a menacing look at me over Emmett's shoulder as they swiftly disappeared around the house.

Her thoughts were so shocking, that my heart twisted in agony. Was this what it came down to? My family or Bella? I would sacrifice _anything_ to be with her. There was no question in my mind. If I had to choose between her and my family, I would choose Bella.

Suddenly, the evening's events blazed into my thoughts again, and I gasped at the awful truth. I was sacrificing Bella's safety—her very _life_! Was I actually willing to pay so high a price to be with her? I felt suddenly sick.

Alice came out of the house at that moment and immediately went to Jasper's side. She took his face in her hands and kissed him tenderly, causing my heart to ache miserably.

"I'm so sorry, Alice." He said in an anguished voice.

"I know." She soothed.

Jasper stood slowly and turned to me, not daring to look at my face. "I'm sorry Edward. I can't believe I acted that way. Please forgive me." _I don't know what came over me. I can't believe I lost control like that. I feel so terrible. _

Forgive him? Of course I could forgive _him_. But how could I forgive myself? How could I have let this happen to my Bella? The pain in my heart intensified.

_Please, Edward._ Alice looked up at me, her eyes beseeching, and I realized I hadn't given Jasper an answer.

"I forgive you." I said, reaching out to touch Jasper's shoulder. He looked up, the relief evident on his face.

Alice put her arms around Jasper's waist and rested her head on his chest. _Thank you, Edward._ She turned her head and looked at me gratefully.

Jasper hugged her tightly and kissed the top of her head. She looked up at him and something passed between them.

He shot me a furtive glance. _Please tell Bella how sorry I am. _Then he withdrew his arms from Alice's waist and slipped off into the woods.

_He just needs some time alone. _Alice turned to face me, noting my rigid expression. "Are you ok?" she asked aloud.

"I'm fine." I lied, turning away from her probing eyes.

She appeared in front of me, her arms folded firmly across her chest. _You can't fool me that easily._ Her eyes narrowed.

"Well, what do you want me to say?" I exploded, flinging my arms out in annoyance.

Alice just watched me, her amber eyes patient.

"It's all my fault—I should have seen this coming." I cried out in agony, pressing my fists to my temples, trying to block out the image of Bella—the most important thing to me in the entire world—small and broken.

Alice shook her head firmly. "No, _I_ should have seen this coming."

"Don't, Alice." I spat at her.

"Don't what?" She asked, taken aback at my harsh tone.

"It's my fault." I growled. "Can't you see what I'm doing to her? Putting her life in danger every second I am with her? I am absolutely disgusted with myself."

I sank down onto the log which Rosalie and Esme had just abandoned.

"I've been deluding myself into thinking that I really had _her_ best interests at heart. I thought I was protecting her when I was with her." I looked up at Alice's concerned face. "How can I protect her when I myself am struggling not to murder her? I am a monster! And the thing she needs protection against the most is me!"

"I could've killed her so easily." I whispered, cradling my head in my hands as the pain washed over me.

Alice was instantly at my side, her small hand on my shoulder. "But you wouldn't." She said with unquestionable certainty.

I shook my head violently and looked into her steady eyes. "I need to stay away from her. She is not safe when I am with her." The words cut through me as I spoke them.

"I'm not good enough for her. She deserves so much more than this." I finished flatly.

"Edward, Bella loves you," Alice said quietly, a small frown tugging on the corner of her lips. _So very much—and you love her. Isn't that enough?_

_Was it enough? _ My tortured mind wanted to cry out. _How could love be enough if she died and was lost to me forever? _I was grateful that Alice did not share my ability to read minds.

"I don't know." I whispered as I stood up slowly. "I'm going inside to check on Bella." I sighed, and headed to the house, leaving Alice to stare after me.

I slipped in the back door and into the shadows of the dining room, listening for Carlisle and Bella. They were still in the kitchen, and from what I could hear, Carlisle was telling Bella about how he had changed me. It seemed like an odd topic for them to be discussing, and I wished I had stayed inside to hear the entire conversation.

"I've never been sorry that I saved Edward." Carlisle was saying.

_She looks exhausted—I should get her home._ I heard his thoughts a split-second before he said, "I suppose I should take you home now."

I had already started walking toward them. "I'll do that," I insisted, keeping my face impassive, while my heart was slowly shattering inside my chest.

"Carlisle can take me," Bella insisted, looking down.

Why didn't she want me to take her? Was she afraid I would lose control just like Jasper had?

_How are you doing, Edward?_ Carlisle's thoughts broke off the awful questions which had filled my mind, and I looked up into his face, now lined with fatherly concern.

"I'm fine." I said evenly, glancing at Bella's spoiled shirt. The light blue cotton was soaked and spotted with blood. Her right shoulder was covered in thick pink frosting.

"You'll need to change anyway," I said to Bella. "You'd give Charlie a heart attack the way you look. I'll have Alice get you something." I whirled around quickly and strode out the kitchen door once more and into the yard.

Alice was still sitting quietly where I had left her, a pained look on her face. I knew that expression; she had seen something.

She glanced up at me, startled by my quick return. _Is Bella alright? Is something wrong?_

_Of course something is wrong—everything is wrong!_ My mind shouted in agony.

"She's fine," I said curtly, answering her unspoken thoughts. "She needs a new shirt though, before we take her home. Do you think you could find something for her to wear?"

I turned abruptly and headed back to the house, not waiting to see if Alice had followed.

Alice caught up to me by the time I reached the door and grabbed my arm. "Wait," she whispered urgently. I stopped, dead in my tracks, not sure if I wanted to see what she had seen.

Alice closed her eyes and concentrated for a moment. Her vision flooded my mind. Jasper was going to leave us to go to Africa, to be with Emmett and Rosalie.

"I need to find him and try to talk him into staying, or maybe going to Denali instead." She said, her tawny eyes laced with sorrow.

"No!" It came out as a strangled cry. I knew Alice would stay with Jasper, wherever he went, and I couldn't stand the thought of losing her.

_Don't you dare destroy our family. _Rosalie's words rang inside my mind.

"Edward," Alice said softly, looking deep into my eyes, "Don't worry about me and Jasper, we'll be okay."

I couldn't speak as she steered me into the house, because my throat had suddenly become filled with a boulder I couldn't easily dislodge, though I swallowed several times.

We entered the house together, and Alice hurried to Bella's side, while I hung back, trying to absorb the irreparable damage I had wrought upon those whom I loved the most.

"C'mon," Alice said, taking Bella by her good arm. "I'll get you something less macabre to wear." They made their way up the stairs, both shooting quick glances at me as they went.

"Edward," Esme said as she walked toward me with her arms outstretched. _You're upset, let's talk about what happened._ She reached out and held my arms, her eyes probing my granite expression.

I gazed at her maternal face. How I loved this woman! "Please, not tonight." I said, my face softening under her penetrating gaze.

Carlisle had joined us. "How is Jasper?"

"He feels bad about what happened and apologized." I stated, my voice purposefully void of emotion. I knew Alice would fill them in on the rest when I took Bella home.

Carlisle nodded, noting my lack of details, but not pressing the issue.

I strode toward the front door, prepared to leave as soon as Alice returned with Bella. There was an uncomfortable silence, while Carlisle and Esme, trying not to push me, kept their thoughts blank.

After a few minutes, we could hear Alice and Bella making their way back down the stairs again.

When they reached the bottom stair, I swung the door open and held it for Bella, who was now wearing a shirt which I recognized as one of Esme's. Alice had done well, choosing one that was similar in color and style to the one Bella had been wearing this evening.

"Take your things!" Alice cried, scooping up the two packages, one half-opened, and the camera from under the piano, and pressed them into Bella's good arm. "You can thank me later, when you've opened them."

Esme and Carlisle both said a quiet goodnight as I followed Bella outside.

She seemed to be in a hurry to get to the car, not so much as glancing at the lanterns and the roses as she quickly passed them. I wished I knew what was going on inside her head. I could tell she was upset, but I needed to know _exactly _what was bothering her.

Was she furious with me for making her come to the party at all? After what had happened, was she terrified of my family—of me? I blamed myself entirely for the awful events of the evening, but did she? Did she realize, like I had tonight, what a selfish monster I was? Had she decided that she needed to stay away from me? Deep down, I knew this was the only way to keep her safe, but that didn't stop the pain from slicing through my silent heart.

When we reached the truck, I opened the passenger door for Bella and she climbed inside without complaint. I slowly made my way to the other side, slipping into the cab and glancing quickly at the brand new stereo, gleaming in the weathered dashboard. Keeping my eyes focused on the windshield, I turned the key and the engine roared to life. Bella was sitting stiffly in her seat, watching me with a pained expression as we accelerated down the dark, serpentine lane.

My thoughts tumbled around chaotically as I searched for a possible solution to the danger I had put Bella in. She had to know, as I did, that she was not safe with me, nor would she ever be. My very existence threatened her life.

Alice's words kept echoing inside my head. _Edward, Bella loves you so very much—and you love her. Isn't that enough? _No, it wasn't. Bella needed to be far away from me, with friends who did not struggle with the desire to slaughter her. She needed to be safe from this dark, hellish existence that constituted my life.

The silence was suddenly broken by Bella's voice. "Say something," she said.

"What do you want me to say?" I asked in a detached voice.

"Tell me you forgive me."

Her words burned, like a fiery dagger, piercing my cold heart. How could she blame herself for what had happened? "Forgive _you_? For what?" I asked incredulously.

"If I'd been more careful, nothing would have happened." She replied softly.

"Bella, you gave yourself a paper cut—that hardly deserves the death penalty." I shuddered at the terrible irony of my words.

"It's still my fault."

Her words opened up the floodgate and all of the thoughts churning inside my head rapidly spilled over.

"Your fault?" I shouted, "If you'd cut yourself at Mike Newton's house, with Jessica there and Angela and your other normal friends, the worst that could possibly have happened would be what? Maybe they couldn't find you a bandage?" I could see the shock on her face, but I plowed on.

"If you'd tripped and knocked over a pile of glass plates on your own—without someone throwing you into them—even then, what's the worst? You'd get blood on the seats when they drove you to the emergency room?" I was in anguish, reliving the night's events as I spoke.

"Mike Newton could have held your hand while they stitched you up—and he wouldn't be fighting the urge to kill you the whole time he was there." Even as I said them, my words burned, cutting deeply into my very core. If I had been capable of it, tears would have been streaming down my face.

"Don't try to take any of this on yourself, Bella. It will only make me more disgusted with myself." I finally spat out, the revulsion tasting like bile in my mouth.

"How the hell did Mike Newton end up in this conversation?" She demanded, her face contorted with fury.

"Mike Newton ended up in this conversation because Mike Newton would be a hell of a lot healthier for you to be with," I growled.

"I'd rather die than be with Mike Newton," She protested. "I'd rather die than be with anyone but you."

"Don't be melodramatic, please."

"Well then, don't you be ridiculous."

I glared through the windshield, my hands clenching the steering wheel. The tension in the cab of the truck was almost tangible.

When we reached her house, I killed the engine and continued to stare out the windshield, too consumed with my depressing thoughts to speak.

"Will you stay tonight?" Bella asked, quietly.

_What?! _She was so unpredictable. She had almost been destroyed by a house full of vampires, and yet she insisted on spending the night with one of them.

"I should go home." My words came out hard.

"For my birthday," she said, an edge of desperation in her voice.

"You can't have it both ways—either you want people to ignore your birthday or you don't. One or the other." She was maddening! But it was one of the things I loved most about her. Everyone else was so predictable, but with Bella, I never knew what to expect.

"Okay. I've decided that I don't want you to ignore my birthday. I'll see you upstairs." She opened the door and hopped out onto the damp ground, reaching for her packages.

"You don't have to take those." I frowned.

"I want them," Bella replied quickly.

"No, you don't. Carlisle and Esme spent money on you." I insisted, not really wanting to get into another argument when she realized exactly _how much_ money had been spent on her behalf.

"I'll live." She tucked the presents awkwardly under her good arm and slammed the door. I was instantly at her side, taking them from her.

"Let me carry them, at least," I insisted. "I'll be in your room."

She smiled—the first real one all night. "Thanks."

"Happy birthday," I sighed, and leaned down to touch my lips to hers. When I did so, she stood up on her toes to kiss me back. The gesture seemed to melt away some of my despair, and I smiled in spite of myself as I pulled away. I gazed at her sweet face for a moment before disappearing around the house and into the darkness.

I slipped easily into her bedroom through the window I had used countless times, and sat down in the middle of her bed, toying idly with the two small gifts. I listened intently to the conversation below me, though I could hear Charlie's thoughts more clearly than the actual words.

_Bella's home. I hope she had a good time with the Cullens._

_Alice sure was nice to go to all that trouble for Bells. She certainly is a good friend—I hope she comes over again soon._

_Wow, they got her a stereo for her truck. That's really nice._

_Leave it to Bella to come home injured from her own birthday party._

Charlie had no way of knowing how much worse it could have been.

I listened as Bella hurried up the stairs and into the bathroom, where she kept her pajamas. A few minutes later, she skipped through the bedroom door, wearing cotton pants and a matching tank top, her face slightly flushed from washing. She was painfully beautiful.

"Hi," I greeted her dolefully.

Closing the door quietly behind her, she moved over to the bed. She pushed the presents away from my hands and positioned herself firmly in my lap. I delicately wrapped my arms around her as she snuggled into my chest, the warmth of her body radiating her precious life.

My entire body was aching from the strain the night's events, along with the immense guilt that was eating away at my insides. How could I ever deserve such an angel?

"Hi." She said sweetly. "Can I open my presents now?"

Surprised, I asked, "Where did the enthusiasm come from?"

"You made me curious." She said matter-of-factly, picking up the gift from Carlisle and Esme.

"Allow me," I suggested, taking the long flat rectangle from her hands. I tore the silver paper off with one fluid movement before handing it back to her.

"Are you sure I can handle lifting the lid?" She muttered sarcastically.

She opened the lid and withdrew a long, thick piece of paper, studying it for a moment before comprehension dawned.

"We're going to Jacksonville?" She gasped excitedly.

I was pleased with her reaction, and relieved that she wasn't upset about the amount of money my family had spent on her.

"That's the idea." I said easily. Carlisle and Esme had thought that Bella would be more accepting of their gift if they included _two_ plane tickets to Florida, instead of just one.

She turned to me, her face beaming. "I can't believe it. Renée is going to flip! You don't mind, though, do you? It's sunny, you'll have to stay inside all day."

"I think I can handle it," I said, and then I grimaced. "If I'd had any idea that you could respond to a gift this appropriately, I would have made you open it in front of Carlisle and Esme. I thought you'd complain."

"Well, of course it's too much." She insisted, "But I get to take you with me!"

I chuckled, her enthusiasm hard to resist. "Now I wish I'd spent money on your present. I didn't realize you were capable of being reasonable."

Bella set the tickets aside and reached for the package containing the gift from myself and Alice. I quickly took it from her and unwrapped it like the first one.

I handed her the clear CD jewel case containing a blank silver CD inside.

"What is it?" She asked, clearly perplexed.

Instead of answering, I retrieved the CD from the case in her hands and dropped it lightly into the CD player on her bedside table. I pushed the play button and waited nervously for the music to begin.

The CD had been Alice's idea. I had balked at the concept at first, thinking that Bella deserved so much more for her birthday than a few songs, but Alice had firmly insisted, and I had finally given in.

The first song was Bella's lullaby, the composition that had resulted from my meeting this extraordinary young woman. I watched her expectantly, wishing, like I had a thousand times before, that I could hear her mind. To my surprise, she started to cry.

"Does your arm hurt?" I asked anxiously, glancing down at the bandage.

"No, it's not my arm. It's beautiful, Edward." She said in quiet wonder, "You couldn't have given me anything I would love more. I can't believe it."

"I didn't think you would let me get a piano so I could play for you here," I teased, glad that she was enjoying my gift.

"You're right."

"How does your arm feel?" I asked, aware of the heat coming from beneath the dressing.

"Just fine." She said quickly.

I knew she was just being brave. The anesthetic Carlisle had injected into the wound had to have worn off by now, and it pained me to see Bella hurt.

"I'll get you some Tylenol." I offered.

"I don't need anything," Bella protested, but I slid her smoothly off my lap and headed for the door.

"Charlie," she hissed, her eyes wide.

"He won't catch me," I promised. I knew Bella didn't want her father to know about my habit of staying in her room overnight, but she needn't have worried. It took me less than two seconds to make my way into the bathroom, fill the empty cup from the counter, retrieve the bottle of pills from the cabinet, and return to her room.

She took the medicine without complaint, while her lullaby continued, soft and lovely, in the background.

"It's late," I said, noting the weary lines on her face.

I tenderly scooped Bella up, careful not to jostle her injured arm. Pulling back the faded quilt, I gently placed her on the bed and tucked her in. I lay down next to her, putting my arm around her and pulling her close to me. I stayed on top of the quilt, so she wouldn't get chilled next to my cold body.

"Thanks again," Bella sighed, leaning her head against my shoulder.

"You're welcome." I whispered.

It was quiet for a long moment as Bella's lullaby drifted softly to a close. The melody seemed to haunt me tonight. The familiar strains were painful somehow, amplifying the emotions from which the music had been inspired.

How was it possible that Bella could love me? Even after all that I had put her through, how was this angel still nestled in my arms? Didn't she realize how dangerous it was for her to be near me? Didn't she know she deserved so much more than this? My heart ached. It was wrong for me to stay with her.

"What are you thinking about?" Bella whispered, interrupting my thoughts.

I hesitated, censoring my reply. "I was thinking about right and wrong, actually."

"Remember how I decided that I wanted you to _not_ ignore my birthday?" She asked.

"Yes," I agreed, suspicious of what had brought on this random question. The only other time she hadn't wanted me to ignore her birthday today was when I told her I should go home instead of staying the night.

"Well, I was thinking, since it's still my birthday, that I'd like you to kiss me again." She said, blushing slightly.

"You're greedy tonight." I teased.

"Yes, I am—but please, don't do anything you don't want to do," She said, smiling.

"Heaven forbid that I should do anything I don't want to do," I chuckled, but it was forced. I didn't want to hurt Bella or put her in danger, but I was doing it every time I was with her. That was definitely something I never wanted to do, and yet I did it willingly—selfishly—because I knew I could not survive without her.

I cupped her beautiful face in my hand and pulled her close, my lips tingling with warmth when they touched hers.

The kiss began much the same as usual—I had to be careful when I kissed Bella. Not only were my teeth razor sharp and filled with venom, but if I wasn't extremely vigilant, I could crush her in my embrace.

Surprisingly, the agony I had been feeling all evening did not lessen as I kissed her this time, but seemed to burn deeper.

Bella loved me, and I her, but was it enough? I ached at the thought of losing her, but at the same time, I knew I was no good for her.

My lips became much more urgent, almost desperate. I longed to hold her, to love her as a man loves a woman. I twisted my free hand into her hair and held her face securely to mine. She responded equally, clutching my hair and molding her body eagerly to me. I didn't stop her; I didn't want to let her go and lose this moment—perhaps forever.

Her lips opened and her breath assaulted my nostrils, the sweet smell of her throat awakening the demon within me. I could hear her life blood racing just under her delicate skin. It was too much—I had to stop. I pushed her away gently, but firmly.

Bella collapsed back onto her pillow, gasping, her face flushed.

"Sorry," I said, panting heavily. "That was out of line." It was dangerous for me to lose any control when I was with her—especially when I was that close to her body; to her throat.

"_I_ don't mind," she gasped, trying to catch her breath.

I frowned at her in the darkness, knowing she didn't approve of our careful physical relationship. "Try to sleep, Bella." I instructed her.

"No, I want you to kiss me again." She begged playfully.

"You're overestimating my self-control." I was still breathing heavily, but it was subsiding, as the monster within me retreated gradually into the dark recesses of my lost soul.

"Which is tempting you more, my blood or my body?" She challenged.

"It's a tie." I replied, grinning briefly. "Now, why don't you stop pushing your luck and go to sleep?" I said in a more serious tone.

"Fine," She agreed, snuggling closer to me.

I held her in my arms and stroked her hair as I watched her drift off to sleep. I listened to her beating heart, slow and even; her breathing soft and deep. Touching my nose to her hair, I breathed in deeply, drinking in her smell—conscious of the burning desire it stirred within me.

I gazed at her body, outlined under the blanket, memorizing every line, every curve. My eyes rested on her bandaged arm, aware of the heat radiating from the fresh wound.

Pain lashed through my body again, as Alice's words repeated in my mind. _Edward, Bella loves you…and you love her. Isn't that enough? _

I hugged Bella's sleeping form to my body, desperate to ease the pain, wishing that Carlisle could as easily stitch back together the broken fragments of my damned soul.


End file.
